Names

What’s in a name?

Nelligan, Forani, Couteau, Van Landschoot. These four last names came together and were cancelled out based on to which male held which name. My grandmother’s father held the last name Nelligan, but he had a daughter, thus the last name would not survive a marriage. It fell to Forani, my grandfather’s father’s last name.

My father’s mother’s last name, Couteau, carried over to her from her father, who carried the name through marriage and generations past. But alas, my great grandfather had himself a daughter, and so the last name did not survive the marriage.

Hello everyone and welcome back to another Thoughts piece by me, ya boy, Joe Van. Today’s topic for your consideration is: Names.

My mother and father were married, and my mother dropped her last name, Forani. I was born with the last name Van Landschoot. This rule of last names is not a law, so people don’t need to do this, but for generations upon generations it has been a cultural norm. Which culture, you may ask? F**king all of them. Though, there are some cultures that keep both last names, such as the Philippines, but of course it is always arranged that the male surnames come first and female surnames second. It’s little things like these that have done ridiculous, terrible wonders throughout history at demeaning an entire half of the human race and, among other means, subjugating them into submission and compliance.

Some people have looked to the English name Human, or woman as continued examples of the patriarchy due to the core ‘man’, but this is not true. Old English names for the different sexes were: wereman and wifman. But still, names hold immense power over people. If it didn’t, people wouldn’t care to carry surnames over with marriage. Imagine if kids weren’t given surnames at all. In certain Egyptian cultures, this is the case. Children simply hold their mother and father’s first names as their complete name.

There is a lot in a name. From my four grandparents, you can deduce my ethnicity and my ancestor’s countries of origin: Ireland, Italy, not France but the French side of Belgium, and Belgium again. Then there are the things that get lost in dropped surnames. As it would happen, I also have ancestry in Spain. I only know this because of oral history, but I’m sure 23 & Me would have corroborate that.

My partner on the other hand has no clue where her family line is from. Her last name is British, but there may also be some German farther back. That is all she knows. If we as a society felt inclined, we could have made it so that all surnames carry over to the next of kin. There is a problem with the of course, being the compounding force of multiplication. Two surnames carry over, then person marries, doubling it. Next generation marries and it doubles again. So, starting from two surnames, in three generation you would have a child listing 16 names behind them. No need for middle names at that point.

Bringing that up, it is interesting that most cultures find it important for a person to have at least three names. First names like John are repeated all over the place. You can name your child John after your brother, their uncle. If the surname Doe remains the same between them, then it would get confusing to identify a person, thus the middle name helps. John Lee Doe & John Sam Doe.

But now onto the point of identifying someone, or one’s own self, here we find the real reason behind names in so far as I understand it. Identity. Why have names in the first place? To differentiate each other, be it on an individual level or by family. We as a species have an intrinsic need for identity. We want to feel special, unique, and our own. Sure, I’m a Van Landschoot. I am also Joe. Funny that I didn’t choose either of those for myself, but my whole life I have never run across another Joseph Van Landschoot. The middle name James wasn’t very necessary then. If someone shouted my name in a crowd, my brain would instantly ping with a “that’s me,” thought.

Identity remains. While I didn’t choose it, I have come to settle in the name given to me. I’ve made small tweaks to it such as in my shorthand name: Joe Van, but when I was younger, I gave myself the name Joe Van Lighghtely, and even made a website under that name. People aside, I also named my car: Cazw, said aloud: cah-zwuh. Most to all people name their pets, and facilities such as zoos and sanctuaries name the animals that reside within them. From Harambe, to Kanzi, to Crystal, to Darwin, and Ken- we seem to find great joy in naming things. So much so that scientists who perform animal testing are held to the rule that they will not name the animals, because once you identity with it, to then put the animal down becomes a harrowing task.

Names matter. They give personality to things, from animals to inanimate objects. They ground us, from having an identity to remembering our family lines. The human mind as I’ve said so many times before is a narrative, pattern seeking mechanism. We label things. Without labels, we become afloat, detached. Names are important for us to remember, categorize, and function in our world. I know people who have changed their names, people who have kept their maiden name after marriage, people who don’t care about their name, and people like me who find names interesting. Funny that I’m terrible at remembering names, maybe that’s why I care more than the average person, because I have to.

Before clocking things out, for one final, fun, tidbit, I looked up the longest recorded name and found this… from Guinness World Records. https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/67285-longest-personal-name

Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwelchevoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifendurchihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorandieerscheinenvanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefortpflanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum.

According to user: Mihail Kondov: “…the second part of his name was a story written in German withoutspaceslikethat that roughly translates to (and I’m using DeepL autotranslate here)
Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff whose ancestors were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well cared for and protected from attack by their rapacious enemies whose ancestors twelve thousand years ago appeared before the first earth man the spaceship used light as its origin of power started its long journey between celestial space in search of the stars which had habitable planets circling and where the new race of intelligent humanity could reproduce and enjoy lifelong joy and tranquility with not a fear of attack from other intelligent minds from between celestial space
(name ends)”

I have nothing to contribute to that other than, either this user faked this, or cool story bro to the person with the name.

Either way that has been another Thoughts piece from me, ya boy, Joe Van. Thank you as always for checking this one out. I appreciate you to no end, and ask you to remember to keep on thinking. If you liked this, please like and follow for more, and until next time, ciao for now. Peace.